How to Overcome Imposter Syndrome

Almost everyone struggles with Imposter Syndrome. And if you don’t feel the fear then either you’ve mastered it or you aren’t trying hard enough.

It is the feeling that you are a fraud, phony, and that you aren’t good enough. Some people think that “any day they’ll find out the truth,” and they feel an impending sense of doom. Other people feel imposter syndrome when they try a new skill, especially when it is new. Most of all, imposter syndrome hits the hardest when you are chasing your passions, and are trying to achieve a goal that is close to your heart.

And it’s a deadly condition. Sometimes it causes people to freeze with fear. It makes people hesitate, and then they miss the opportunity. And, at its very worst, it dashes hope, shatters dreams, and makes a wreck of the best developer.

But there is hope.

You can overcome Imposter Syndrome. You can learn to master your emotions, and to control your fears. You can also learn to look at your co-workers as allies that can help you. You’ll also learn that they also feel the same way.

And all you need is to learn a few skills. So let’s invest 15 minutes of your time, right now, and learn how to overcome imposter syndrome once and for all.

Ready? Me neither. But let’s forge ahead anyway.

How this works

To teach about imposter syndrome it helps to break the lessons into three sections. The first section is to Reach Out, and to connect with other people. It’s where you 1) Ask them for help, and 2) you realize that everyone else feels the same as you.

The next section is to Reach In. This is where you dive deep into your soul, and you 3) learn to sit with fear (trust me, it won’t harm you). Then I’ll teach you how to 4) control your emotions. This way when the fear strikes you (and it will), you’ll have battle tested skills that can keep you on a firm foundation.

The last section is to Reach Forward. In here I’ll teach you that 5) you can learn anything you need to learn if you use deliberate practice. Next you’ll learn about 6) visualizing the worst that can happen, which helps remove a massive amount of fear. And the final topic is 7) you need to keep striving forward. It is through action that we overcome imposter syndrome.

So let’s dive in and talk about the first step to overcoming imposter syndrome: reaching out to others.

Lesson 1 - You can ask for help

Most developers struggle with problems for too long before they ask for help. Most of us sit there, looking at the blinking cursor, and we waste too much time.

Worst of all, some developers will sit there for the whole day battling a simple problem that they can’t seem to solve. When they could solve it in moments if they asked a coworker for help.

And if we do this we often end end up feeling frustrated, angry, and full of shame. We start to lose confidence in our ability to code. Which leads to a worse case of imposter syndrome.

But the solution is simple: Ask for help.

True, it’s worthwhile to sit and struggle with problems. But not for an entire day, and all alone, when there are other things to do. That is a surefire recipe for despair. Worst of all, you’ll just have to face the same problem the next morning, so you might as well ask for help now.

But what about if you have no teammates? Then ask on Stack Overflow. Or you can ask a peer at another company. If you don’t have those, at least talk through your logic to a member on the support team. Too often I’ve asked for help and then I start to explain my thought process. And soon after I start explaining I have an “Eureka” moment and the solution comes to me. Why? Because as I try to teach something I have to think at a deeper level, and this thinking often leads to the right answer.

So ask for help. Talk about your problem. You aren’t meant to do this alone, so reach out. The alternative is feeling shame, unworthiness, and letting imposter syndrome corrode your soul.

Lesson 2 - Everyone feels this way

Fighting impostor syndrome is a lonely battle. You sit there, thinking that you are the only one with this issue, or “why can’t I figure this out?” or you might look at a teammate and think “He seems to have it all figured out.”

But the truth is that most of us feel this way. Most of us feel discouragement and fear. But we don’t share our feelings.

And if you don’t talk about your fears, you might think that you are the only one that has them.

But you aren’t.

You will be surprised to hear that many successful people feel like an imposter. In the tech world, big names like Patrick Mckenzie, Brennan Dunn, and John Sonmez have all had imposter syndrome. Actors like Tom Hanks, Emma Watson, Robert Pattinson (yeah, yeah, I know), and many more stars have all felt like imposters.

And I could go on, but the point is that other people feel like an imposter. Other people have doubts, fears, and they feel shame.

But you won’t know about it unless you ask. And you’ll find that most people feel the same way.

For instance, years ago I worked for a startup as a DevOps engineer. I worked on a Sunday evening late into the night, and when I came into work on Monday my manager closed the door. He told me that the company was struggling for money, and they had to let me go. So I went into talk with some of the developers to say goodbye. I told Jason that I was worried and that “I don’t know what to do with my life.” His reply was “join the club”. It was at that point I realized that other people, successful people, also struggle with questions, fears, and doubt.

And I had no clue. I felt like I was the only one.

So reach out. Talk to other people and find out how they feel, and you’ll be surprised that most people feel just like you.

Lesson 3 - Sit With the Fear

Fear can be deadly and if not checked it will kill us all.

But the funny thing is, that fear is fake. It is like a shape in the darkness that looks like a monster. But as soon as you get closer and shine a light on it, you realize that what you saw was a silhouette. It was just a tree.

But too many of us are too scared to get close to fear, and so we sit there, at a distance. All the while the fear of fear erodes our hearts.

So what do you do?

You get closer to fear. You sit with the fear.

You get close to it. Look at it. Examine it. What is it that you are really scared of?

And as you get closer to fear you’ll realize that what scares you is harmless.

That is the irony of fear. As we see fear for what it is we find that it has no power over us. The only power that fear has is the power that we give it. And we destroy fear’s power once we observe it. It’s like Schrodinger's cat, except you think the cat has rabies and you don’t want to open the box. But on the inside the cat is dead, but you won’t know until you look at it.

So take a moment. Breath deep, and think what you are really scared of. As you think deep about your fears you’ll see them for what they are, and you don’t have to be scared any more.

while (scared){
  for (i = 0; i < 4; i++) { 
    breathe_in(4);
    breathe_out(4);  
  }

  feel_better = status_check();
		
  if (feel_better){
    scared == false;
  }	
}				

Lesson 4 - You Control How you Feel

This next lesson is startling. The way you move your body can change how you feel on the inside. In other words, moving in certain ways will help you to overcome imposter syndrome.

And I credit this lesson to my wife, Sarah Godfrey. Sarah is a movement consultant. She uses movement to help young mothers to feel empowered and to gain more control of their lives. She taught me that though our feelings affect our actions, we can use actions to control our feelings.

For instance, if you slump your shoulders and drop your head, you’ll soon start feeling sad. In contrast if you hold square your shoulders, hold your head up high, and look alert, then you’ll start to feel stronger, more bold, and more confident.

But how can we use this to overcome fear and imposter syndrome?

It’s simple. If you are feeling shame, or doubt, or cowardice then you can use actions to reverse those feelings. Start moving like you are confident. Start moving like you are strong and that you can conquer all. And soon enough that movement will change how you feel.

I use this hack all the time when I’m meeting with new clients, or when I’m doing something that scares me (which is often). I’ll lift my head, square my shoulders, run through a breathing exercise, and within moments I feel bold. Within moments I don’t feel like a fraud.

And when it gets really bad I shadow box. I’ll raise my fists, imagine my fears or my adversary, and throw some shadow punches. I imagine my fear in front of me, and I fight back. The exercise makes my body feel strong, and the actions helps me overcome my fears.

And yes, some people might think this is silly. But it isn’t. Having imposter syndrome is like fighting a silent battle inside your soul. And if you don’t fight then you won’t survive. So, if you are being overcome by your fears then raise your fists and fight. You can fight imposter syndrome, and you can beat it.

Lesson 5 - How to Learn ANY Skill You Want to Learn.

Developers have a tough case. The world of technology is changing faster and faster, and there is so much to learn. There’s a myriad of front-end frameworks, new languages, methods, and coding styles, and some of them are really hard to pick up. So not only is there too much to learn, but some skills are so hard that many of us feel overwhelmed.

But there is good news. You can learn anything you need to learn. If you need to master Elixir, you can. If you want to learn Angular you can. If you need become a pro at DevOps you can. And all you need to do is to put in the right kind of practice.

In his groundbreaking book titled Peak (aff), Anders Ericsson teaches us about the powers of “Deliberate Practice.” Deliberate practice is where you use focused learning sessions and you put yourself outside your comfort zone. Best of all, you’ll use a coach that can help teach you, guide you, mentor you, and push you toward peak performance. This might sound like work (and it is), but it’s a sure-fire method to becoming an expert.

And this is a direct antidote imposter syndrome. Instead of looking at a daunting new skill and wondering if you can learn it, you’ll know that you can. And this knowledge, that you can learn any skill with the right kind of practice, is empowering and gives you hope. It gives you a reason to stick with it and to keep working because you’ll know that you will succeed.

So dive in. Learn Elixr, Rust, or Scala. Or start learning Node.js, Angular, or Laravel. Or feel free to tackle a course in DevOps, Big Data, or Machine Learning. It doesn’t matter the topic, because you know that you can become a master of it. Why? Because you now know the secret of deliberate practice.

Lesson 6 - What is the worst that can happen?

This next lesson is powerful. In this lesson we’ll learn how to take a look at your fears, and see what would really happen if they came true. And as a result, you’ll stop being afraid of the unknown. You’ll stop being afraid of what would happen, because you’ve already explored that path.

For instance, lots of developers worry that they’ll get fired, and that they won’t have enough money to meet their needs. But what would happen if you got fired? How bad would it be? Most people think it will be bad, but they don’t know for sure. So they get stuck, and they let the fear of fear erode their soul.

So let’s take a different path, and imagine how bad it would get.

Let’s assume you got fired. Let’s assume that you have a small amount of savings, and you’ll be able to live off of that for the next month or two. You’ll likely scale back your expenses so you won’t be spending as much. Sure you won’t be eating out, but your family will be okay. But say that money runs out, what then? Well what happens if you lose your house? Then you lose your house. And that would be sad. But you’d still have your family and you’d still have your health. You’d be alive with a whole world of opportunity before you.

Would you starve? Nope, there are too many charities, good people, and government programs that you could rely on.

Would you have to take on another job that might be beneath your skills? Perhaps. Would you have to live with family or friends for a few months? Perhaps. Would you have to live off of unemployment for awhile? You might.

But you’d be okay.

And no I’m not being trite. This situation would be hard. But it wouldn’t be the end of the world.

You’d be okay. You’d manage. You’d take a critical look at each problem, and work on each problem in turn. If you need housing, then find housing. If you need money, then find a part time job, a different job, signup for unemployment, or learn how to freelance. Just take each problem one after another and find a solution.

So what are you really worried about? Take some time, think deep about your fears, and you’ll find that they really aren’t that bad. You’d find a way out. You’d be okay.

Lesson 7 - Keep Striving forward

Most of us aren’t scared of failure, but we are scared of success. We are scared that if we take risks, work hard, that we’ll actually achieve our goals. And even then we’ll wonder if we are worthy enough of that success. It’s one of the few reasons why most side projects remain unfinished. Sometimes it is poor planning and a lack of grit. Other times it is because we are scared of failure. But most of all, we are too scared to achieve what we want.

And so we stop, dead in the water. And as we stop moving we start to sink.

Not to get too geeky here, but this relates really well to submarines. Usually, submarines can float at the same depth under the surface of the ocean. It’s what’s called neutral buoyancy, and it’s what helps the submarine not sink down to the bottom, and not rise up to the surface. But what if the submarine was too heavy? Then the submarine would start to sink.

So imagine a submarine has broken ballast tanks and they are sinking. They are too heavy (too weighed down), and down they go. And you might think they are doomed, but they have a simple method to rise to the surface. They can angle their diving planes upwards, turn the propeller on full power, and aim for the surface. Soon they will reach the top.

And the lesson here is profound. Sometimes we can’t do anything about our heavy load and the tasks placed on us. Sometimes we feel like we are sinking. But we can keep moving forward. We can aim high. So keep your chin up, and keep moving. And soon enough you’ll reach the top.

So keep striving, keep risking, and keep moving forward. No matter if you feel like you are sinking, just aim for the top, keep the propellers turning, and you will be alright.

Keep your chin up,

Stephen R. Godfrey

The Book

Thanks for reading so far. I’ve struggled with imposter syndrome for years, before I learned how to fight it. And I’ve learned some skills along the way that I want to share with you.

But a short website with a summary isn’t enough. Some people will need more help to overcome their imposter syndrome. They will need more time and more examples to help the message sink in.

So I wrote a book to do just that.

If you read this book and do the activities inside you'll have more skills on how to beat imposter syndrome. You'll understand it more, and hopefully understand yourself more. And all of this is to help you have more peace, more self compassion, and a more fulfilling life.

Some of the benefits are:

• You’ll get a battle-tested methods for beating imposter syndrome.
• You’ll learn about affirmations and how they remind you to stay on track.
• You’ll learn about stoicism, and how it can conquer imposter syndrome.
• You’ll get an email script that you can use to make reaching out to people easy.
• You’ll learn about mindfulness, and how it can help bring you back to the present and not be scared about the future.
• You’ll learn more about fear, and how to overcome it.
• You’ll see real testimonials from other developers and freelancers, and realize you are not the only one who struggles.

So are you in?

Do you want to conquer imposter syndrome and give it a swift kick in the rear?

Then invest a little in yourself. Buy the book. Because you deserve a better life. A life with less fear and more peace. A life with less anxiety and more purpose.

See you on the inside.

Stephen Godfrey

About Stephen Godfrey

Stephen Godfrey was born in Sherwood Park, Alberta, Canada. As Alberta goes, he’s lived up north where the ice roads start, and he’s lived down south where, as Rudyard Kipling said, it has “all hell for a basement.” In contrast to the cold, he lived in southern Australia during the hottest summer it had seen in one hundred years. He also lived in northern Australia, where he saw crocodiles leap out of the water to snatch meat from a line.

He holds a bachelor and master of science in information systems from Brigham Young University. He is a co-author on multiple academic papers.

Currently, Stephen works from home as a solo consultant. He’s been a successful consultant for the past five years, and though he’s had a few offers to work full-time for companies, he still chooses the freedom (and headaches) that come from working for himself. You can find more about his web design and web development work at mountainfreshmedia.com, and you can access his courses on freelancing at freelancecollege.com.

He loves to catch snakes, bake bread, make apple crisp (he has his own recipe), build custom journals, and write books.

He now lives in Lindon, Utah, USA, with his remarkable wife and two boisterous children

And for those curious, this page was build with the Layon theme, using Jekyll, and is hosted on Bluehost (aff).